Book Group Grace: Talking About Books, Part 3
Posted by: Neil Hollands
This is the third and final post in a short series of hints for how you can get better at discussing books. Last week I suggested three behaviors to avoid at book group. Let’s finish on the positive side: three ways to become a book group guru.
1) BE SPECIFIC
Perhaps the most common problem that plagues boring book groups is overgeneralization. The enthusiasm wears thin fast when half a dozen people blandly repeat that the book is “good,” that it’s ”well-written,” that they “REALLY liked it.” Dig deeper. Talk about how the author handled conflict, or characters, or setting. Talk about the pacing. Talk about what you found suspenseful. Consider what you would do if faced with the dilemmas the characters faced. Note which sections you found believable and which you did not. Search for the author’s life experience in the book’s events. Before you go to group, try to prepare three to five specific points of discussion and be prepared to use them.
2) DRAW CONNECTIONS
To find favor in your group, draw connections. Compare the book with others by the same author. Try sentences that start with “This reminds me of…”, “If you liked most of this book, but didn’t like the…”, or “Another author who handles this material well is…” If your group likes video, compare the book to films or choose a director and cast for its adaptation. Comparisons keep the conversation buzzing and send everyone home with lists of new books to seek out.
3) LISTEN. ASK QUESTIONS. BUILD THE CONVERSATION.
It’s simple, but so often overlooked. Sometimes we get so tied up in inserting our next brilliant comment that we fail to listen. We change subjects prematurely, cut off others, or let interesting comments get lost. You’ll make better conversation, and more important, better friends, if you quit worrying so much about talking and LISTEN. Ask follow up questions, particularly if someone’s point is good but not fully explained. Provide examples for the generalizations they might make. Try rephrasing them with “That’s interesting, what you’re saying is…” or supporting them with “I like that idea, tell us more.” Book groups are a team sport, and often the most valuable player is the one who makes everyone else better.
March 18th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
I’m so glad to find your Book Group blog, Neil, b/c I was recently asked to co-moderate a monthly women’s book discussion. Now that I’ve been at it for awhile, I have questions and find your posts very informative. One thing that I’ve been unsure how to handle is people who want to always dominate the discussion. I don’t want to cut them off, but what are some diplomatic ways to do just that if the same people keep talking over the top of others in order to get their points in? It can be distracting for everyone to talk at once, and individual points get lost in the noise. How much should the moderator intervene? Your suggestions are welcome…
March 20th, 2009 at 8:56 am
This is a tough problem Jeannine, one that every book group faces at some point. I’ve been in groups that have tried formal means of preventing interruptions, passing an object from person to person, raising hands, etc., but these techniques create more awkwardness than they solve.
Sometimes it’s OK to let a few interruptions pass. It can be frustrating, but usually group dynamics heal themselves over time. And let’s face it, some people will always talk more than some others.
But if the interruptions are becoming a habit, I prefer an approach that borders the diplomatic and the direct is best. If Henry cuts off Jane’s comment, I like to jump in and say something like “That’s interesting Henry, and we can return to that later, but I don’t feel like we did Jane’s comment justice.” If it seemed like Jane had more to say I’d then ask her to elaborate. If she’d said her peace but her point warranted conversation, I’d then add to it myself. I like this approach to interruptions because it both returns the conversation to the person who was interrupted but also reminds the interrupter to take turns in the future.
If that doesn’t work, a second approach, a little less tactful, but again pointing out the interruption is to follow up Henry’s interruption by saying “Jane had just asked/made the point that… I’m not sure–Was your comment related?” It could be that Henry really did intend to respond to Jane but did so awkwardly. If not, he might be admonished by being forced to admit that his comment was an interruption.
If the problem still persists, more curt warnings to the interrupter or a general admonishment at the start of your next meeting may be in order. In the worst cases, it’s awkward, but the offender may need to be pulled aside for a private conversation.
Does anyone else have a favorite technique for handling interruptions?